the man's man.

For those of you who have not heard, recently i enlisted in the US Army. Now you may say, "no. highly unlikely." But it's true. To our left is a picture of me as a man's man because i am now the Man's man. If you were wondering, yes, i was over the weight requirements. But with hard work i've brought myself down about 8 pounds and counting. so if you'd like to challenge me then bring it.

the lost photo shoot

I'm sure you remember when i was a robot.

The Rise and Fall of Evil Brent and the Spiders from Mars

Here's a face we all know and love. One day last week, jessica went out and left me all alone. after watching tv for a while and eating all i could find that was easy to make i decided to play with my photo shop. the plan was, at first to give brian burgess a mustache. thinking better of it, though i doubted he'd ever see it, i decided that my father in law brent was a better choice. It didnt stop at a mustache obviously. i couldnt resist. so now the world has evil brent. Enjoy.

A Mustache to Remember

Didn't think i'd ever blog again, huh? Me neither.
Here is a picture of me with my freshly cut mustache. Why do you have a mustache you ask as if i were already weird enough. Well its for something called Movember. During the month of November, go to us.movember.com and register to grow a mustache to support the research to cure prostate cancer. Now i highly doubt i'll raise any money but i needed a good reason to try my mustache out. I've really wanted one for quite some time. Here are some people who I've idolized for sometime.

1. Tom Selleck, of course. If i could My mustache would look like this. Unfortunately it doesnt. :(
















2. Jesse Hughes from the Eagles of Death Metal. I think my mustache is looking more like this. Not only is this band a personal favorite of Clive and mine but his mustache is as well.














3. Last but not least, Pedro. Because i wish i could say i grew my mustache in a couple of days.













Anyway, enjoy this blog because i'm not sure when i will get to another one.

one for the ladies

now i know most of my readers are dylan fans but i felt this is just to good to not post.

When i was a young boy scout camp was a big thing for me. every day at dinner time during that week in hahobas the staff would sing songs as we walked through the line to get our food. On song i particularly enjoyed was Mountain Dew. For the longest time i thought it was a song made up specifically for camp. I was very wrong. Here is Johnny Cash and Bob Dylan Performing it on the Johnny Cash Show.

today in mild dissaproval

Today, while I was slinging lattes at yuppies, a girl maybe the age of
18 came in. She was small and white and wore a pair of trendy black
framed glasses and a not so trendy legend of zelda shirt. While taking
one of my many breaks, as im prone to do on account of my salary, I
watched her sitting at a table alone talking on the phone. She ordered
nothing. She reached for a pot which held chalk in it and started to
draw on the table which happened to be made out of a thick sturdy
chalkboard. I sipped my chocolate milk and tried to see what she would
scrawl on my tables that I would have to clean later. Finally an anime
lad holding a tennis racket appeared before her in many different
colors. A coffee house work of art. She left with out a word leaving me
to eavesdrop on other peoples conversations, none of which were
interesting.a few hours later she returned. This time she ordered an
orange juice. She dissapeared again and the next time I saw her she
emerged from the shelves with a stack of manga and seated herself at
another different chalkboard table. She laughed to herself as she read
them and sipped her orange juice. We have a policy where you gotta buy
the books before drinking a drink around them but my boss said nothing
so I said nothing. She left after about an hour. Or so I thought. After
she finished her oj and manga, she proceeded to draw on the next
chalkboard table. Apparently axel and roxus are bffs according to the
table. She walked out the front door and I followed casually behind her.
She had moved to an out door chalkboard and filled that one with her
white-girl-who-wants-so-bad-to-be-asian anime drawings. She did this
four more times. I just sighed everytime. Finally she left and I refused
to wash it off.
There is no moral to this. Simply an odd story.

T.I. Hatch ventures into the unknown

that is a picture of the unknown to me.

its funny how a place that was home not two months ago seems foreign when youre out of your element.

im not used to being alone. today was the first day on travis' journey to find employment.

i will use my time alone to chronicle this adventure and one day sell the movie rights.

i am indeed lonely despite the company of my brothers and my dearest friends.

i miss my wife and my boys.

today, i simply got settled. caught up with old friends and started a bad habit again.

i had a coke and i felt terrible after and had to have a huge glass of water because i can no longer handle my caffeine.

anyway i will leave you now.

i only have these words by elton john:

i miss the earth so much
i miss my wife
its lonely out in space

until next time, this is your dear friend, Travis, saying keep it fresh.

incredible album

Previously today i reviewed wilco's newest album. but i am pleased to say that i have found an album that tops it. I still love wilco but Dan Auerbach of the black keys released an album back in february that has me begging for more. his indie folk rock satiates my taste for great music on more than one level.

just have a sample.

heres a live version of the first song. its not the best quality but you get the picture.

album of the week - Wilco (The Album)

Today i'd like to tell you about a new album i just got. It may benefit no one, but just the same, it has me captivated. Wilco (The Album)


This band has been on the edge of mainstream and experimental, ready to tip to either side at any given moment.

Key tracks are: Bull Black Nova, You and I, and Deeper Down.

Bull Black Nova is written from the point of view of a man who has just killed his girlfriend. Morbid, yes. But the instrumentals are phenomenal and his vocals are flawed perfectly.

You and I features canadian indie folk singer Feist on the first duet ever on a Wilco album. This song is about a man and a woman trying top keep their relationship together. very good song. Itunes has said that if this song doesnt make your Best of 2009 playlist then you have a heart of stone.

Deeper Down is just a song i like. i really have no interperetation for it.

The whole album is fantastic and you should listen to it even if you dont enjoy this type of music.

If you do happen to like it i would reccomend The Crane Wife album by the Decemberists and Oh, Inverted World by the Shins.

"greetings from your teacher" - ancient pencil proverb

Yesterday we went to dierkes lake with my two youngest brothers and the hopes. Here is a picture of it (zoom for better look). thats right. my family is in town. next saturday is my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary and we will be celebrating with them in idaho falls.
thats all i have to say to now
actualllly, you cant call me on my phone cuz its off. cuz i have no money.












what a terrible post.

behold! the goldburger!

Growing up, my bff, Matt, my brother Trevor, and i would hang out with a couple guys down the street, Robby and Andy. Now Andy was a big Asian fellow and his weight and love of food was often a hot topic that even he joined in. During the summer time it was commonplace to see Andy chasing the ice cream truck down the street in hopes of getting his favorite frozen treat, the cookie ice cream sandwich. On an especially hot afternoon, we were all sitting on the curb waiting for the ice cream man to drive by.

"I just want an ice cream sandwich!" Andy whined. And it was there the Goldburger was created. During that time, there was a wrestler named Goldberg and we thought it would be the funniest thing if he made an extreme WWF cookie ice cream sandwich called the Goldburger. Going even further, we thought it funnier that Andy would be in the commercial for it, dancing around with a Goldburger while lots of Goldbergs danced with him. Which inspired me to create this picture on my new photoshop.Now this is not an actual picture of Andy but it more than suffices. Andy was Filipino i think...

Please enjoy.

you really spent ALL that money?

Today while watching the $100,000 dollar pyramid a commercial came on that starred lee majors. I thought it would be something good that a rich man like himself would be promoting. Like a charity. One that would give children bionic limbs or something. No. It was for hearing aids. Lee majors bionic rechargable hearing aids. Which then led me to say to myself, 'what is he doing? where did all that money go?' i mean as far as i know he didnt have a huge drug problem or anything. and its not like he created this. he slapped his name on it to make money. which im all for if its for a good cause. but lee majors selling hearing aids just makes me sad. HE WAS THE 6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN! HE MARRIED FARRAH FAWCETT! he doesnt need to stoop down to GSN! im going to start a foundation for dumb celebrities who dont know what a savings acount is. basic budget classes and savings advice. investments. such and such. and it will be called "the foundation for celebrities who suck with money". the first celebs i want are lee majors, ed mcmahon, and mc hammer.

idiots.

anyway

ive been having reoccuring dreams staring alan alda. meaning?

from the diaries of travis hatch

I found this small journal entry scrawled on a small piece of paper and found it humourous enough to share.

5/27/2009

We went to Brent's graduation today and i was really offended that they didn't ask me to sing Dylan's 'Forever Young'.

Pictured: Travis and Sarah sweating it up at brents graduation

False advertising and the American way

You know, as much as I really can't stand the movie shrek there are some fine words of wisdom. Primarily from donkey of all characters. Eddie Murphy, in my opinion, is a huge sellout. Ripping off bad sandler movies and putting a black spin on them. He hit his peak with his role in mulan. But I digress. While walking down a path to rescue the princess, donkey starts a well written jag about how much he loves parfaits and nobody is gonna refuse a parfait. Which brings us to the point of this blog. Parfaits. Have you ever been to McDonald's and had their 'parfait'? Garbage. It consists of fruit and yogurt. That is not a parfait. A parfait is cake, custard, fruit filling, and whipped cream. I can easily go to the store and get a yoplait for 25 cents. That is the exact same thing. For like a 5th the price. And it's better. Because you think to yourself 'oh heck yeah. I'm bout to have a parfait.' But then you're sorely disappointed to have health food. The only health I want in my parfait is the sugared up raspberry filling. It's the same filling found in a Bismark donut. Delicious. So, McDonald's, stop calling it a parfait. It's not. That is false advertising. But then again do you really expect quality from McDonald's? No. Which should be their slogan.'Come on. We're McDonald's.' Or 'you get what you pay for.' Or 'our burgers are made from pigeons.' All of those are accurate. I mean, there's this ad that McDonald's put out maybe a year ago and it was a sign that said 'we use 100% beef', except that the '0's' were cleverly blocked by 2 big macs. (pictured below) Correctly stating that McDonald's uses 1% beef. Anyway. That's enough corporate slander for today. Tune in next time for 'Travis hates most things'.

Has anyone ever noticed?

Is it just me or do yanni and frank zappa look like they could be fraternal if not even identical twins?

Yanni (pictured above) and Zappa (below)

Uncanny? Yes.

It really could just be the greek heritage.


and the mustaches.


and on that note.....


heres ted nugent with a mustache.

Heres how travis has been feeling lately.

Daily, i will open a my web browser to blog and nothing comes out. How fitting that when i am most deppressed i feel like writing most, yet i have no inspiration. and anything i write creatively i throw away because i consider it no good. that picture well describes the mood ive been in the past couple weeks. The neon drew her last breath, i am jobless, and brent left me in the middle of nowhere. cant say i blame him. i know this is where we're supposed to be and i should be happy knowing that things will work out for the best but i cant help feeling useless. you would think that having no job would be amazing. not the case. because i cant relax and live the life of luxery while also in a state of poverty. i wish i had more to say but typing has sapped the rest of my will power.

i will now go lie in the road.

take this in the spirit it is intended and not as a cry for help.

the idaho sessions

Recently, we've moved to hailey idaho as some of you may know. actually everyone who reads my blog knows this on account of i live with half of my demographic. anyway. brent and i have been going on some great adventures. specifically to find Arizona's. they make some great drinks. like...orangeade, strawberry kiwi, watermelon, and mango. our first embark into the idaho wilderness was in lame old bellevue. the fat younger sister of hailey.

This is the bowling alley. which proved fruitless.Here we find guffys. our eventual hot spot for arizonas.

We also hit the splash n dash but in the wake of dissapointment i forgot to take a picture.

Outside of guffys with our bounty.

We went to guffys twice. once to check if they had any and then we came back after everywhere else sucked. while in there we discovered a fat, budding convict. he was there both times we went there and it was obvious that he was shoplifting. on our way out we saw him peddling away with a can of pizza pringles grasped in his fat little hooves. brent and i decided to follow him and give him a good scare. we eventually lost him after a few blocks. and that was that.

today on our quest for arizonas we went to guffys once again after we discovered the atkinsons in bellvue was closed. it was there the white trash cashier, bless his heart, informed us that all the hot food was free because it was soon to be thrown out. we loaded up a paper bag with it and bid the ugly man a good night. on the way home we celebrated our victory with chicken wings and some taquitos. the good thing about wings in the car is throwing the bones out the window. dont tell.

i got a job at the hardware store.yeah thats me.


im just too good lookin.

worst guest ever

i listen to adam carolla on a daily basis. part of my morning routine. get up, eat, carolla. i think he is a genius and i agree with almost all of his convictions. but this morning i was catching up on the podcast and i came across monday's show with mike tyson. terrible. mike tyson is a great fighter. sure. but he is not an intelligent man and its hard for him to hold an interesting conversation. for those of you who dont listen to the show, donny is one of adams oldest friends and he is manning the computer during the podcasts. hes been playing around with intro music and dropping clips into the show. tyson is in the middle of making a documentary and so donny was playing clips of the film. i dont know if it was video and so everyone in carolla's man cave could see what was happening but for the people listening at home it was boring. it was bad audio of old archival footage. and to top it off...it was 23 minutes long. even carolla's very first podcast was 45 minutes. adam had just got done heaping praise on tyson and tyson literally stood up and started ripping the mic from his shirt.

I mean seriously. the producer of the tyson movie was there. why couldnt tyson leave and adam could talk to the other guy. i cant remember his name. but regardless. anything at that point would have been more interesting. it was terrible. if you are going to start listening please dont start with that one. it does not do the show justice.

anyway. we're moving today.

awesome.

thursdate with nbc

last night was thursday night. or as i like to call it "thursdate with nbc". on thursday nights, jessica and i bask in TV's warm glowing warming glow and enjoy two of our favorite shows, the office and 30 rock. well last night was especially amazing because not only was there 2 episodes of the office and a 30 rock but parks and recreation came to thursdate with nbc. for those of you who dont know what that is, parks and recreation is a new mockumentary style show made by the producers of the office. originally set to be an office spin off this show is all its own. amy poehler has described the two shows as fraternal twins except one is really fat. i found the pilot episode to be full of office style humor which makes it a good candidate for my top 5 tv shows list. it wasnt all i expected but what pilot really is? i felt the same way when watching season 1 of the office. funny show but there was a lot more developing to do. im confident that within the next few episodes it will be more show than i could have hoped for. anyway thats it.

this movie looks hillarious

i dont know why anyone would make this. but i thought at least a few people would find it funny.

Family photo

This of course was taken before felix was born.




we especially enjoy chest hair and crazy, cool medallions.


this of course is in reference to the Barry Gibb Talk Show. Jessica and i are big fans.

a post with no nAme

i havent posted in a while so here is a simple one.

Things i have been thinking about lately. Paul Rudd. Doots. Juxtapose. what do these words have in common? nothing.

Paul Rudd (pictured left) has become a very popular actor. His new feature film, I Love You, Man, is breaking record box office numbers. Its the highest grossing comedy ever. (Facts not from reliable source) But. i think that he has gone downhill. i think his highest moment was...having a mustache. (pictured below)
I'm old fashioned in thinking that a mustache is an incredibly funny and ironic way to say "Im a man. I have chest hair. Lets date."

One day i hope to have a powerful, commanding mustache...

-Next. Doots. the bane of my existence. that man is the only thing that stands between me, a quiet uninhabited state, and a pair of sweats. if it werent for him i would be living my life happily in the country. This is what i picture him to look like.
A crazed alchoholic. If youre wondering where i found this picture of Doots, i will tell you. i google-imaged "alchoholic cox" and this came up. Doots has a book.

I dont want to talk about doots anymore. i dislike him AND his stinky green car.

-The word 'juxtapose'. i have no way to use it. but i love it.

End Scene

an observation

Notice that punishments for children are great for adults. Like "stop yelling or youre going to your room for the rest of the night." I would love to go to bed at 3. Get off of work early and sleep all day. Id like to open up the line for others to give their input. Leave a comment with childhood punishments that are beneficiary for adults.

automobile safety by travis

in my time ive been told, by a couple people, that i am a bad driver. such as: my wife, my brother, my bff matt, the dallas cowboys, the pta, and in particular; my dear father in law, brent hope. i however think not. i think i am a great driver. i feel in control and at ease at the wheel. i just happen to feel at ease and in control going 90 on the freeway. well im here to tell you today that i will never speed again. coming home from a college production of Thoroughly Modern Millie, starring fake julie andrews and my dear friend michael wheeler, i was stopped by Elma city police. I felt confident that i would be let off with a warning seeing as how it was the first ticket on my record and i was only going 19 over. well that wasnt the case. i drove home in silence with my brother, ransom. dissapointed in myself i called jess and told her what happened. needless to say she wasnt pleased. anyway what im trying to say is that there is no reason to fear my driving any longer. i am a reformed man. that is all.

headline news: farmers report pigs flying - record cold in hell - united states elect black president

Good morning. If you'll notice, these 3 things that people said would never happen, are happening. You know what that means. We're moving to idaho. I said I would never return and now I am eating my words. Brent, all those birthday wishes have paid off. Jess and I are relocating to hailey idaho to work at cox cable. Im actually very excited about it. Part of that excitement comes from the fact that I will not have to manage lowlifes anymore. I thought managing apartments would be fun but I really can't stand it. Im a baby sitter. A lot of these people are twice my age and whining for me to fix every single problem. Sure, people aren't allowed to have dogs but if they're keeping you up then you have a problem with them. Don't come whining to me. Knock on the door and THEN let me know. I can make them get rid of the dog but that doesn't mean you have to stay up all night. That's why God gave us the broom. To pound the cieling. Anyway. Im very glad to be getting out. Tacoma will always be my home and maybe this move will make me appreciate this town more. I also think this will be a good oppurtunity for me to shed some excess poundage. Recently I've been on the heavier side. So after my mealtime purge I have been trying to run. That hasn't worked out so well. But I do love riding bikes on the bike path. So that's what ill do. Anyway yeah that's it. Also...yeah no that's it.

POST 2 of the day!: a few more things i forgot to say.

recently adam carolla has gone off the air. and that was a sad day. klsx, the station where he operated out of is phasing out all talk radio and converting to a top 40 station. i real shame because the top 40 right now is an abomination to my ears. 1077 the end in the NW is airing reruns for a while but some of you may not get that station out in idaho. im almost positive you dont. so you may be thinking to yourselves, "where can i get my aceman fix?" ill tell you. http://carollaradio.com/. he is podcasting now. he's even on itunes. so you can look him up. great stuff. a side note - since he is not under the thumb of cbs and klsx producers he...speaks a little more freely. so listen at your own risk.

also. i dont know if you have seen this video but there is a whole series of them and theyre amazing. its called "will it blend". just watch.





and here is a different video i stumbled across. I really have no idea why i found this video so funny.

the mind of travis revival!

Yes. back by popular demand. that's right. my 3 fans have apparently been in Travis withdrawal. recently I've been voice blogging. not really podcasting. basically i complain about things into my phone. its a little harsh for most of my blog following so i keep it exclusive. subjects range from things that have made me angry in the day such as a light that wouldn't turn green or speculation on my antisocial tendencies. for those of you who aren't a huge fan of listening to Travis yell for 5 minutes about terrible musicians and Friday the thirteenth, this isn't for you. because that's most of what it is. if i typed it it would be all caps. the dumbification of America is another hot topic on Travis' thoughts. how people today find themselves entertained by Beverley hills chihuahua and pall blart mall cop. the Jonas brothers performing twice on Saturday night live. things that are and should never be. (that last sentence is a reference to the zeppelin song "what is and what should never be". great song). anyway. i will give you some wholesome entertainment.

tax return came in. Jess and i went to the Toyota dealership because we want to get a van. i hate car dealerships. This is what going to one feels like.


it was terrible. it gives me kind of a panic attack. I'm under the impression that i have mild anxiety and maybe a little bit of depression. i get insurance soon. holla. so I'm going to the doctor so he can confirm that I'm not a hypochondriac. because i give myself terrible diseases. i just read web md and say, "I HAVE THAT!" maybe because i have a few symptoms. for about a week i thought i had anti-social personality disorder. i mean don't get me wrong. I'm plenty anti social. but i don't have that disorder because its a form of sociopathology and i think you have to be a serial killer or something. or in the mob. e.g. Tommy two-guns - notorious sociopath. not really me. i don't take an immense amount of pleasure in murdering someone. maybe a bit of pleasure at maiming someone. or extreme pleasure when thinking of throwing a rock at someone. but not murder. no good. not my style. i much prefer to kick you in the goods and hit you with a stick. anyway. talk about "wholesome entertainment". I'm sure at least once while Ruth is reading this she will utter a "well, i never...". back to the dealership. this guy was trying to force the keys of a dodge durango into my hand. luckily i had to leave before he pressured me into sign anything. we came there looking for a van. I DON'T NEED AN SUV. this stupid vehicle is not for me. i will not be towing anyone. and i don't plan to live anywhere with snow. and it was like gold. do i look like a gold van driving man? no. i want a murdered out mini van. for those who aren't familiar with the term "murdered out" that means to black everything out. chrome, rims, logo, windows, everything. like this:


That's what i would do to my van.

well that oughta do it.



This is a picture of me and my little man, don tomasino.