Thursday, December 25, 2008


Every year on christmas a christmas story plays all day and we leave it on. So after watching it hundreds of times I have made some comparisons to my own life. Ralphie and I are the same. From holding a bar of soap in my mouth to going psycho on a bully. It all seems so familiar. And that's it.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

a minute of your time.

How hard is it to answer the phone? Hard. Especially when you hate talking on it. But at work. I answer every time. Unless the caller id says inmate phone. Which happens. And then I don't answer.

Recently I've been hired on as an apartment manager. And sometimes people are so hard to get ahold of. Or they don't answer my calls.

The other day my youngest brother chandler asked me 'do you hate the cold or the snow more?'. At first I thought I hated the snow more. Then I realized. Cold BRINGS snow.

I hate the cold.

I wish I could live in a place where it has washington summers and arizona winters. Absolutely amazing. This place, incidentily, will also smell like ribs. And. The currency will not be the us dollar. They use dubloons. Sadly this place only exists in my mind.

The clouds are moving in. It smells like snow.

I hate the smell of pipe smoke.

But I like the faint smell of cigarettes. Like lingering at the fair. It reminds me of childhood. Weird? You be the judge.

Monday, December 1, 2008

my dream team ups.

Recently I've been thinking about team ups id like to see happen in the music industry. All are still possible but not exactly probable.

-Id like to see danger mouse lay down an album with amy winehouse.
I also want to see her duet with cee lo.

-Id be interested in an unplugged session with norah jones and al green together not unlike plant with alison kraus. Norah was amazing on the track she did with ray charles.

-Id like the black keys to maybe do a set with the white stripes. Or even just jack white. Id really just like to hear the love child created from a week long recording session.

That's it. Nobody will be interested in this except me. So I write this. I've been watching 30 rock lately. It's hillarious. Tina fey and alec baldwin. Amazing. Ruth will have nothing to do with it but I get the feeling brent would get a chuckle out of it. Penny would be indifferent.

Also. I've been thinking about my new years revolutions. I mean resolutions. Every year I look back on myself and say, 'travis. You are such an idiot. How do you act so STUPID?' and I hang my head with shame and shed one tear for how many times I've made myself look dumb. My resolution this year is 'think before you act. And don't be an idiot.'

The end.

Ps. I wanted to do a proper blog with pictures and everything but my photobucket is a buttho...jerk.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

modern revelation

Your dog is not smarter than my honor student. I don't care how smart you THINK your schnauzer is, it cannot be smarter than an honor student. Your dog may be intuitive but it has nothing compared to a student who is on the honor role. Your shi tzu can not write an essay or compete in a spelling bee. The only thing your dog can do is kiss your butt. So he can sleep in your bed. An honor student will kiss your butt. But it is frowned upon to let him sleep in your bed. Even if it is just to warm your feet. A dog cannot tutor other students. Nor can it do extra credit. In conclusion, dogs are not people and you only look ignorant when you claim they are.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


my last post got negative reviews. as funny as i find my crude sense of humor, others may not find it as funny. "knocked up" is not the approved expression. my bad.

in other news. obama is president. how bout that? long drawn out sigh.

in other other news...i bought a new shirt.

Monday, November 3, 2008

thinking thoughtful thoughts.

Im only 20 and soon to have 2 little boys. Wild. But I can only think about how ridiculous my life would be if I hadn't knocked jess up. I kid. I kid. But really. I like sports. In all seriousness she saved my life. Way to go, sport.

The other day, on halloween, we ran into a man in a giant sulley costume from monsters inc. And he was wasted. He looked trustworthy.

This was a pretty pointless bulletin but I felt like id neglected to post in a while.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

don't fight it.

That's right. Number 3 in a day. I've become very passionate.

Part 1 of my mini series "Things that are wrong with america":
High school musical
Reality tv
Beverly hills chihuahua
The jonas brothers
disney channel pop stars in general; ie. Hanah montana
Lil wayne
Trader joes
Carrie underwood
Girl power
Promiscuous army wives
The girls next door
Samantha ronson


Can you believe it? 2 blogs in one day. It's a christmas miracle. Depending on how I feel there might even be a third. This one is on a couple bands I've been listening to lately that are close to my heart. First is Dr. Dog. No, no. Not Dr. Dre. This psychadelic indie rock band hails from philly. Not compton. Their sound has been compared to the beatles, beach boys, and the band. You can easily tell that they've been listening to 60s pop bands since they were lads. I love them a lot.

Next is a band called the black keys. This is a blues-rock duo from akron, ohio. They're very white stripes-esque with their guitar/vocals and drums team up. They, to me, have a sound of raw emotion. It is some of the greatest blues rock out today. Jessica hates it. She hates the blues. Not i, though.

it's getting colder

I can see my breath in the morning and the night. Hot drinks are becoming more appealing. Sweatshirt wear is up 9%. My sunglasses are extremely cold on my temples when I put them on in the morning. And I activley cuddle with anything alive. Just yesterday I was spotted trying to make warmth with a fern. Doesn't work. Don't try it. Anyway. The point is, I hate the cold. People say to me, 'isn't it nice out? I love when the seasons are changing.' I look at them and muffled behind my scarf and parka I say 'I hate the cold.' And that's it. I walk away at that point because someone who like the weather getting colder must do drugs and I want no part of that. Im looking into developing a polar bear suit. Just fits around me and I can swim in icy waters unaffected. But for now I will shiver myself into a coma.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

if renee zellweger ruins another good movie, ill have her killed.

It's been a while since our last encounter, blogger. Im rather torn about our relationship. It's tough to get on and speak my mind because jess says im too rough around the edges. If I wrote down everything that popped out of my head, id lose a lot of friends. I maintain this blog with the good and ill pollute myspace with my cynicism. But I like sports. Anyway. Recent news is that I have been informed that after only 2 weeks of working my new job, the guys I work for would like to make me junior vice president. Put me on board of directors. Give me stock. Such and such. Im really excited about this. The guy im apprenticing with, dylan, named after bob dylan, incidentily, was really impressed with my work ethic during our 21 hour day at the dshs building in olympia. He said my apptitude was shocking. And nathan, the other guy im in business with, who also happens to be the landlord, has quoted dylan saying, "travis is awesome. Where'd you find this guy?" this is no lie, friends. I have it from a reputable, and rather handsome source, that I have been described as amazing. I knew it the whole time but it's about time the rest of the world sees it. I have a lot of ideas. When you're president you get three murders. Discreet and nobody ever finds out. I will use all three...on the jonas brothers. The bane of my exsistence. Look at me. Trailing of with blather of killing pop stars. That has no place on blogger. Anyway. I doubt I've worked any harder nor has my morale been any higher at any other job. Im doing something im good at and im proud of my work. The money is fantastic and I feel good about myself. Nevermind my hands being covered in blisters or that im always covered in glue. We made the right choice and we're being blessed for it. I may have to go to alaska for a time. 2 months tops. If work slows down here, that's where ill be to help the company out. In other news thomas turned two. And he's hecka tight.

Friday, September 12, 2008

great idea.

I was listening to adam carolla this morning and theresa was talking about craving clam chowder and a bread bowl. But I heard her say clam chowder and red bull. It sounded appealling. I want to market this. Clam chowder, bread bowl, red bull. Just dump that red bull right in. Im excited.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

it's a booooooooooooooy!

That's right. Baby number 2 is a boy. Thomas is gonna have a brother. That comforts me. This kid will be almost the exact difference apart from thomas as I am from trevor. I think that is a just about perfect distance. I just gotta warn them about when thomas gets to teenage years and the new baby is still pre. That's when trevor and I didn't get along. Now we couldn't be closer. Im very excited. We're thinking felix norman hatch. Felix mendelsohn was a great composer. And norman is a family name on jessica's side. I wanted 2 middle names but jess said even just felix norman was way radical from just thomas lee. So he'll just have 2 names. Anyway. Yes.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

deep inside of a parallel universe its getting harder and harder to tell what came first.

The four of you that read my blog may already know my current situation in the department of employment. Two job offers. Both a solid amount of pros and cons. in each I would work with fantastic people who I feel I could get along with well. I now leave it up to the Lord. Im hoping to get an answer quickly but all in the Lord's good time. The Hopes have been gracious enough to have us stay this weekend. We were delighted to have been joined by j-rig, his lovely wife, becka, and their group of boys. It was great to see them and im glad they came. Now you may be thinking to yourself, "what's this guy's deal?" well I tell you what. I've been seeing things rather clearly as of late. It's time to move on with life. We are about to be blessed with a beautiful new child in january and I can't have him or her be born into the current situation we have now. I want this kid to have the best. Not thomas. He can get a job. But this new child will have 2 parents that love him. Or her. And they will know the gospel. That is one of the most important things I have and I wish I were stronger in it. I struggle with it often because swearing and sleeping in on sunday often has more appeal than listening to sister o'donnell drone on in gospel doctrine. But I try and stand straight and fly right for my eternal family. Anyway. The searchers was a quality film if anyone was wondering.

Friday, September 5, 2008


Thank garfunkle it's friday. That's right. It's friday. I take this day to thank art garfunkle for, not only, blessing us with this wonderful holiday but for creating sweet harmonies with his good friend, paul simon. That's right. Art garfunkle did indeed create tgif. Thursday, october 6th, 1978. The first tgif. There was a feast. I consisted of pot roast and horseradish. Not a huge banquet but he made the best out of what he had. That's why today we celebrate every friday as a holiday. A lot of people party on friday nights. I usually don't because I work the next day. Not this week, friends. Day. Off. Thus a celebration of friday mirth. My idea of a good time is not the same as other peoples. Many will go out and drink and get stupid, throw up on themselves and repeat that process the next day. No thank you. Ill show you a good time. I have so much fun on my days off it should be illegal. Jess will be scrapbooking tonight so thomas and I will be having a mans night. We start off on the couch. Sweatpants are NOT optional. You wanna come to my party? Get them sweats on. Tonights feature film will be "the searchers" with john wayne. I've been on an unexpected western film recently. I used to hate all things country. But I've been enlightened. I enjoy western films. Cowboys that involve themselves in gang activity. Shootouts, barfights, ragtime, and all other things that go along. What I don't like is the rich kids that rock a stetson and a pair of snakeskin boots and call themselves country. Daddy buys them an f150 and they think they're so cool; blarin big and rich. Or the nascar junkies who think dale jr. Is the best thing since his daddy who happened to be the best thing since budweiser and the gun rack. Now don't get me wrong. I don't hate all nascar fans. I've got some good friends who watch nascar. I can't tell them it's lame. They love it. But for those who aren't my friends I think you're idiots. THEY'RE JUST GOING LEFT! If they had machine guns mounted on the top of their cars that'd be different. If they were shootin each other id be all about that. But until then ill stick to watching my pasta boil. Way more entertaining. Anyway. Back to my friday. By the way actually. You see that republican gop for mccain last night? Im going to pretend you said yes because I can't hear you. Bomb. For those of you who aren't as hip as me that is a good thing. I used to be probama but I've changed my ways. I may be a flip flopper but I've looked into it and im thinkin mccain is my man. I got into my head that he was incompetent and I've discovered he's just a stud. I like his energy plan and im lovin palin's idea on teaching creationism in schools. Because, really? Why are we teaching evolution? These lame left wing queers need to get over themselves. I mean whatever. Teach both. Who cares? But parents should be able to choose. I mean, I don't need people shovin evolution bs down thomas' throat. I don't care if people believe in it. Do what you want. Have fun in hell. Give hitler a kick in the groin for america. You do your thing and let me do mine. Who cares if a kid wants to pray in school. Or say god in the pledge. We don't bust your chops for kissing other women. Get over it. Anyway. Friday. Trevor, my dear brother, is having his eagle project tonight. I think he's the first hatch in 20 years to get his eagle. Maybe more. Im pretty proud of him. And he's going to college in the fall. Doing a good job he is. Anyway, we'll probably be there helpin him, me and thomas. So that will be a good time. And then. More western films. Im thinking "fistful of dollars". Happy friday, friends.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

MY top 5 SINGERS of all time

if you'll remember, Jessica had a blog about her top 5 composers. i enjoy classical music but not really enough to have a favorite. though, i do love Giuseppe Verdi's operas. if i had to pick a favorite classical composer it would definitely have to be Verdi.

my favorite singers are as follows:
Norah Jones
sings a mix of soul and jazz and soooometimes country. not a fan of her twangish things but i love her voice. its calm and slightly scratchy. no. not scratchy. smoky? i just love it. i listen to it to calm down a lot.

Al Green
i love this man. he is the king of soul in my opinion. he sings songs that are fit to be in one of my personal favorite movies in one of my favorite scenes. and still does it today. his latest album, lay it down, is as good if not better than some of the stuff he did 30 years ago.

Amy Winehouse
this woman is a nut job and a drug addict but her voice is that of an angel. old, soulful. its classic. if she had stayed clean she could have gone far. i honestly don't see her living much longer. one more album. thats all i want.

Cee Lo Green
Vocalist in the group Gnarls Barkley. along side Danger Mouse Cee Lo has produced one of the most played songs of last year. i have honestly listened to the St. Elsewhere album more times than i can count. i really want to say its near 100.

Robert Plant
The Hammer of the Gods. This man has such power behind him. and such emotion. i think the fact that his chest is always exposed proves that. i don't know how. but i don't make the rules.

That is my top 5 singers list. this list is subject to change at any given time. that just happens to be my current favorite. now you may be thinking to yourself "come on, negro. wheres McCartney? wheres robin Gibb? don Henley? well my friends. they may not have made top 5 but that doesn't mean i don't like them. and remember. they, with the exception of robin (ha ha), has been on my list at one time or another. a list of a few that didn't make it can be produced upon request.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

we got plums...

So I admit that im rather lame at posting. Sporatic at best. But. Think hard and tell me it's not worth the wait. I deliver.

Now. Id like to speak a little today on crocs. My father-in-law, brent, bought me my first pair of croc flops and I never looked back. Thong flops will never satiate my desire for the best. They are probably the most comfortable piece of footwear in the world. People say, "oh, they're so ugly." I don't care. There are plenty of things that aren't that beautiful but made beautiful things. For example: frida kahlo; amazing painter with the brow of adam carolla. Martin scorsese; goofy lookin fellow but one of the greatest directors ever. And buddy holly; awkward but talented.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

I don't really have much else to say.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

smokin cigarettes and watching captain kangaroo

As you may well know, I will be 20 tomorrow. 20 years old. In my 20
years of experience, I have just now realized something. Birthday disgusting. Allow me to explain. You bring it out with candles
lit on it. And the person who's birthday it is will blow out the
candles. Spitting. All over the cake. And everyone eats it. Eats
spit-cake. That's one of the grossest things I've ever heard. And I just
thought of it. I have eaten 20 years worth of spit-cake. What other food
do people find it acceptable to spit on and then eat? None. Why is this
an exception? It's not. That's why, from now on, I will not be having
candles on my cake. Nor will jessica or thomas. I can't stop others from
doing it. I just won't eat it. I will only have ice cream. If they don't
have ice cream I will throw rocks, that I keep in a satchel at my hip,
at the birthday boy/girl. And laugh at them. "You eat spit-cake!" I will
yell. And then I will run from the house.

Also. Everytime I come into the room, my uno cards are all over the
floor by my bed. Why is this? Why can't my uno cards stay in order? I am

nice to them. I just wish I knew why people won't leave my uno cards
alone. Here is a picture.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I can't handle gas anymore.

Im going to grow a large beard And ride my bike off into the sunset. Ill be like a bike cowboy. And ill have a gourd full of mt dew. And that will nourish me. And ill live in the woods. Or point defiance park. In the meadow. And ill get a lawn chair. And a notebook. Aaaand a pencil. And write a book on my adventures. "Today I saw a squirrel." Captivating. I can see myself listening to a lot of crosby stills and nash. That's just music you listen to when you're a bearded radical. Or a hobo. I fall under both catagories. If your interested, feel free to send me a letter. Just put it under a rock near 5 mile drive. Every once in a while ill venture out to get supplies. All the while I continue to think this a good idea. Then reality hits. Jess and thomas would never be hobos. Well. Jess wouldn't. So I guess ill stay home. But I am going to ride my bike more. Once I get one. I have a prospect one. 2000 miles away. Saturday im thinking ill pick it up. And then my journey begins. Ill go to the library...and stuff. Read books. Heck im on vacation right now. Ill go to a jazz club.

Monday, July 28, 2008

new to the game

Im a little slow on the uptake when it comes to this blog situation. Prompted by my wife, I've decided to create one in efforts to improve myself as a writer and/or person. Im looking for feedback. Be it good or bad. Id like to take this time to put up on of my personal favorite short stories. I wrote it when gas prices had infuriated me beyond the normal level. It's about a guy named charlie. It's not very long but it's a start. I think it makes my point. Sort of. Let me know what you think.

By T.I. Hatch

Charlie sat the passenger seat of his corolla, resting his feet on the ground of the 76 near his house. The numbers on the gas pump rang higher and higher. Head in his hands, he started to think about when he was in high school and he could fill his tank with 15 bucks. The pump read 63.76. 63 dollars and 76 cents. He opened his glove compartment and pulled out an old revolver .45. He looked at it closely. Studied the intricate designs that covered the gun. It was heavy in his hands. He turned up the radio. 'Ramble on' by led zeppelin played. He put the gun to the side of his head, resting his finger on the trigger, he thought about what this would cost him.

He had been on prozac for almost a year now. In that year his father died and his girlfriend left him for his exbest friend who happened to run over charlies dog as he drove away. He had been strong this long. Why quit because of a simple matter of expensive gas. His mom was still alive and he had a decent job managing a bakery. He put the gun back into the glove compartment. He replaced the pump before walking around to get into the drivers seat. He pulled out onto the main road and was hit and killed by a drunk driver.

He had just wasted all that money on gas.